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The thrill is gone

Next Friday is my sixteenth wedding anniversary.  If you include the two years of dating, it will mark eighteen years together.  Half our lives, we’ve spent together.

That’s a LONG time, my friends.  Sometimes I hear of friends embarking on a brand new relationship, with all the spark and excitement and I can barely even remember what it’s like.  It’s been a long time since we had any newness in our relationship.  After this long, there aren’t really any surprises left.  I may as well be psychic when it comes to my husband.  I can tell you at any given time what he’s thinking and what he’s going to do.

Sound grim?

Surprisingly, it’s not.  Especially not for a girl like me who rates spontaneity and surprises right up there with dentist appointments.  I’m a planner and I like to know what’s next.  So maybe I’m just perfectly made for a long and comfortable relationship.  But overall, it gets a bad rap.  Don’t misunderstand, there is nothing like a brand new relationship with all the “magic” involved.  But who really wants that forever?

Sure, we had that in the early years.  But now our “magic” has evolved into something infinitely better.  Comfort and content.  Doesn’t sound very exciting, but it’s what being “home” is all about.  It’s not boring, we just have a different kind of excitement.  When I say, “hey you know what I just thought of?”, the answer is usually, yes, he actually DOES know what I just thought of.  We’ve become two halves of a whole.  The years have intertwined us in a way that eludes explanation.  While it may not make my heart skip a beat, it never fails to make me smile.

Flowers are nice, but I’m far happier knowing that I can say anything that pops into my head at any time and not have it held against me.  (Unless it’s really, really stupid, in which case, I have earned ridicule.)  I’m happier knowing that he’ll tell me if I look fat, not to be mean, but to keep me from going out in the world in those pants.  I’m happier knowing that I can cry and yell and be unreasonable sometimes and he will still love me more tomorrow than he did today.  He’s got my back, and I’ve got his.  Isn’t that where the real magic is?

So, yes, the spark dies out because it has to.  If you’re lucky, though, it will be replaced with a far more intense flame that will bring you warmth and comfort for as long as you tend to it.  You can make your magic be whatever you want it to be.  I want mine to be laughter and honesty and I wouldn’t trade it for a million first kisses.  Isn’t it more exciting to know you’re with someone who will try to make you happy every day you’re on this earth?  Bonus points if he knows how to cook your favorite meal and remembers when it’s trash day.

The spark and the magic?  It’s all an illusion.  The thrill is in finding what’s there after all the smoke clears.

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Categories: Uncategorized Tags: ,
  1. Beth K
    October 9, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Just great! I can relate to this a great deal. I am never more myself than when I’m with Derek…and that’s a wonderful feeling.

    Keep writing!

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