Home > Uncategorized > Better late than… unshaven?

Better late than… unshaven?

I am chronically late to work.  Not hugely late, but it’s always 6 or 7 minutes after the hour, at best, when I make my grand entrance.  No one seems to care very much, but it bugs me.  The thing is, I should be able to get there on time.  I plan to get there on time.  But despite my best efforts, I find myself racing out of the house every morning, screeching, “I gotta go, I’m late!”

So what happens?  I’m certainly not primping.  My work style falls into the “good enough” category.  Better than my Walmart good enough, but nowhere near my “HR is taking pictures for the directory today” good enough.  (I was super late that day.)  I’m not browsing through my work wardrobe.  If it’s in the back of the closet, then I haven’t worn it this week, so it’s good enough.  I’m not doing housework.  Anything that doesn’t get done by the time I stumble off to bed will have to wait.  I’m not watching the morning news, cause who needs that kind of downer to start the day.

I’ve narrowed down the culprits.  The things that slow me down and conspire to make me late every single morning.  And in this case, knowing is not half the battle, since they will certainly rise up to wreak havoc in new ways.

#1 My cell phone.

Some time ago, I seized upon my cell phone as my alarm clock.  It’s far more reliable, it’s unaffected by the occasional power outage, and, best of all, it offers THREE ALARMS.  Three alarms is critical for a coma sleeper such as myself.  I set one for when I want to get up, one for when I should get up and the last one for “get your hinder out of bed NOW and race to the shower!”  Nice set up, right?  Yes, all except for one thing, the snooze option.  Here’s how you operate the snooze on my phone.  You touch the screen.  That’s all.  There’s not a button, no slider, you can just touch it any old place and back off to sleepytime you go.  This is dangerous.  Any coma sleeper worth her salt can slam a hand down on a cell phone without missing a snore.  I would never make it to work before lunch if I didn’t have a husband to ask me at some point each morning, “Are you going to work today?”  Uh, yes, of course I am, I have tons of time. (slight panic)

#2 My exercise schedule

I’m not talking about my early morning, before work 30 Day Shred project.  I’m starting that on Monday, I swear it.  I’m talking about my much more realistic twice-weekly cardio class in the evenings.  How does this affect my mornings, you ask?  Well, because I feel obligated to shave my legs on those mornings.  Even though every morning-minute counts, legs without streams of blood, gashes and long-lasting scabbing are slightly more critical in my life.  Despite the fact that these classes fall on Monday and Wednesday, every single week, I fail to remember this chore until I turn on the shower water.  These things tend to get neither safer nor more efficient when you’re in a blue-eyed-late-for-work panic.

#3 Twist ties

If you missed my earlier post, What’s for Lunch, you don’t know that I’m the self-appointed Lunch Nazi of our house.  My kids are not permitted to buy lunch at school, so it falls to me to make sure they have a healthy and interesting lunch every day.  I’m generally pretty prepared for this, with a couple of options and a quick plan for implementation.  However, the bread twist ties!  They get me every time!  I have pretty good hand/eye coordination and fine motor skills (if I do say so), but those little suckers are not meant for grown-up sized human hands.  It actually takes longer to tie the bread back up than to make the entire sandwich.  And you can double that heartache, since I’m in the midst of a whole wheat project and the kids get two different kinds of bread.  I propose that bread manufacturers extend their bags by about six inches, so you can immediately discard that twisty little devil and tie a knot in the bag.

#4 My cat

Anyone who read My Cat’s Pet needs no further explanation.  If Squeaky had her way, I’d be bedridden for the remainder of my days, unable to do anything but pet her and clean litter boxes.  She puts on her sweet snuggly kitty face every morning and if that doesn’t work, she will yell at me and tell me to get my bleepity-bleep back to bed.  It’s more temptation than your average crazy cat lady can stand.

These are my morning Waterloos.  They taunt, torment and triple dog dare me to get to work on time.  One day, as God as my witness, I will be at my desk at seven on the dot.  That will also be the day I have hairy legs, a broken cell phone, hungry kids and a pissed off feline at home. But I shall persist, knowing I’m not alone in my morning struggles.  Still, I can’t help but wonder if my time would be better spent convincing my company to adopt a Napoleonic timeliness policy.

“Let Him Sleep…For When He Wakes, He Will Move Mountains.”
Napoleon Bonaparte

Photo courtesy of bloggermoms.com

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  1. Jeremy
    February 2, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    #3 – medium to large size binder clips FTW!

    btw, love your blog!

    -jeremy

    • February 2, 2012 at 9:47 pm

      Brilliant!!! Adding binder clips to the shopping list now…and thanks 🙂

  1. May 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

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