Home > Uncategorized > I Mock the Songs the Whole World Sings

I Mock the Songs the Whole World Sings

On the way home from work the other night, “Every Breath you Take” came on the radio.  I have to tell you, this song creeps me out.  I can barely listen to it without feeling like Sting is hiding in the back seat, the freaky stalker.  It got me thinking about other songs that are perceived to be one thing, but always send my brain in the opposite direction.

Since songs are songs, after all, and not pictures, please enjoy this photo of the tomatoes I grew last summer.

“Good Riddance” by Green Day.  It’s more commonly known as Time of Your Life, which completely ruins the effect.  You know this one…”something unpredictable, but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life.”  It sounds nice, yes.  It’s lovely for graduations, bon voyage, whatever.  In its heyday, ER (the TV drama, as if you didn’t know.) had the appalling bad judgment to play it at a funeral on one of their shows.  Shocking!!  This one is not meant to be a touching, sentimental little ditty.  Read the title again, please.  It’s a bitter, in your face, “get lost, you wretched b!*ch” song, cleverly disguised as only Billie Joe Armstrong can do.   As long as we’re all on the same page with this, I’ll allow that it’s still somewhat appropriate for graduations.  Never funerals.  Never, ever, ever funerals.  What kind of people are you??  

“Escape” by Rupert Holmes (I won’t lie, I had to google that.  I hope it’s right), aka the Piña  Colada Song.  I like this one, I do.  But I still can’t listen to it without thinking, what the….???  Dude is bored with his (wife? girlfriend?) lady, so he takes out a personal ad to find a new one, preferably one who likes piña coladas and the taste of champagne (she must also have half a brain.  Only half.  No pressure).  No worries, though, because it’s all in secret.  He’s keeping his lady on the back burner just in case he can’t find a new one who wants to get drunk and hang out in the rain.  Am I the only one noticing this absurdity?  But alas, it gets worse!  Turns out his lady was bored with him, too. (you go, lady)  She also takes out a secret ad and they end up TOGETHER!  Both of them, busted.  And the result?  They laughed for a moment.  They LAUGHED for a moment.  In my world, that is not how this scene would play out.   I can confidently say that there would be screaming, name calling and throwing things. Possibly police intervention before it’s all over with.  Best case scenario, you agree that you both need to move on, since you’re both sneaky little sneakers who can’t be trusted.  You can’t have a relationship broken to this level, then laugh for a moment and drink piña coladas off into the sunset.  But it does have a catchy tune.

Now I’ve come full circle. “Every Breath You Take”, by the Police.  I have to address this in more detail, because even as the song plays in my head right now, I can’t stop looking over my shoulder. “Every step you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you.”  I admit, I’m no more than a very casual fan of the Police, so I really don’t know what the intention is here.  Is it supposed to be romantic?  Comforting?  Epic fail, Stingarooni. Epic.  If it’s supposed to be terrifyingly creepy, give you nightmares and tempt you to file restraining orders against every man you’ve ever dated, then it’s a smashing success.  It makes you feel like you need a shower, but you can’t take a shower because you’re BEING WATCHED.  It’s nice to be loved, but it’s not cool to be loved so much that someone might want to stick you in his closet and keep you forever and ever.  Now stop watching me, Sting.  For real. Just…..stop.

  1. Barb Strimple
    February 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Great as all your blogs but I think the pic of your home grown tomatoes is the best!!!

    • February 11, 2012 at 10:07 pm

      Gotta shake things up every now & then. 😉

  2. Jeremy
    February 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Sting… Reminds me of a Dana Carvey bit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fMVE_8vHXU

    skip to 1:10 or so

    Warning, it has a bit of bad language

    • February 11, 2012 at 10:10 pm

      I never thought of it that way. Really all he has to do is sing that song and his name can be anything he wants. It kind of makes me want to rename myself, though…

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