Home > Uncategorized > Five Ways to Lose a Sale and Offend Me Forever

Five Ways to Lose a Sale and Offend Me Forever

From time to time, we get door to door salespeople in our neighborhood.  I am not one to shut the door in their faces, I find it far more interesting and entertaining to hear them out.  I don’t know who is training these guys (I don’t mean to come across as sexist, but so far, they’ve all been guys), but they’re doing it wrong.  I am willing to listen to any sales pitch, but there are a few tricks up their sleeves that make me immediately shut down and swear to never purchase so much as a stick of gum from their company.  Here are five moves that I’ve experienced that caused a nearly audible “click” in my brain from pleasant to infuriated.

photo via http://www.salesandmanagementsolutions.com. Lesson #1 - modern women have access to money.

  1. Ask to speak to my husband.  Oh, pardon me, I didn’t realize we had been transported to the 1950s.  I will do these guys a kindness and assume that they see my wedding ring before playing the husband card, but even so.  What the hell.  Not only can you not speak to my husband, but now you can’t even speak to me.
  2. Tell me that my neighbors have bought from you.  First, I don’t care what my neighbors do.  Second, I know you’re lying, because I talk to my neighbors. Third, I don’t care what my neighbors do.
  3. Make absurd assumptions about my house.  Last year, I had an alarm salesman tell me that I needed fire protection because my house has paper wrapped wires.  Excuse me?  You’ve been in my house, examining my wires?  No?  Then get off my lawn.
  4. Be a smart ass.  I enjoy a smart ass comment as much as the next guy, but if you’re hoping to sell me something, you’d better recognize.  One of those frozen-steak-in-a-truck guys once asked me, very sarcastically, “What, no one here eats meat?”  What had, until that moment, been a somewhat pleasant conversation turned ugly.  Why, yes, we eat pounds and pounds of steak, but I wouldn’t take it from you if you were giving it away, you little punk.
  5. Disagree with me.  I know, I know, I’m not always right.  Unless, of course, I am the customer or even the potential customer.  Don’t pick a fight with me, because I will win.  Home field advantage and all.  Although he wasn’t exactly a salesman, someone recently asked me to sign a petition to get a politician on the ballot.  When I mentioned how disgusted I am with some of the things happening in our state government lately, he told me that he thought we had some really good things happening. Okay, see ya.

I know all these things seem obvious, but every one of them seems to happen over and over again.  I understand that being a door to door salesman must be a really awful job, but you’re only making it worse on yourself with nonsense like this.  What I’m curious about, though, is if these lines ever work on anyone.  Is there anyone out there who believes that some random college kids knows what kind of wiring is in your house?  Or who will drop a couple hundred bucks on some random crap because your neighbor may have bought it?  Give me a break.  The only door to door salesman I always welcome at my house is the ice cream man.  The rest of you, bring it on.  I get bored on long summer days and I’m just itching for a fight.

  1. March 19, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Lol! These are each accurate and I am pretty sure none of these work. I also become enraged when a salesman asks for my husband, or the man of the house, assuming I can’t own a home. But then again, half the time I have no patience for those door-to-door salesmen and I just lie and say I am the nanny.

    • March 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

      Ha! I love it! I’ll have to remember to be the nanny!

  2. April 2, 2012 at 1:01 am

    Wow. I can’t believe #1. What a moron.

    • April 2, 2012 at 8:44 am

      What’s really shocking is that I’ve heard it more than once. smh. Thanks for reading!

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