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Thoughts from the Maid

It’s Monday and that means it’s housecleaning day.  Not only will I be cleaning the house, but I’ll also be harboring all sorts of resentment and low-grade anger at my family.  Always multitasking.

Let me be clear.  I work full-time, I just happen to have Mondays off.  The rest of my family has Saturdays off, like regular people.  While I’m at work on Saturday, they do Saturday things, enjoying their down time.  When I get off work on Saturday, I rush into the house and clean up the kitchen so we can cook dinner.  It’s become glaringly obvious that I truly am the only one who can load the dishwasher. The few times they have tried, they have done a wretched job of it.  I have my suspicions about that, but I’ll get to that later.  My point is, I work 50 hours a week.  I don’t have tons of time for myself.  On Mondays, when I truly have a chance to enjoy some things just for me, I am cleaning the damn house.  This is not my job.  We all live here.  We all track dirt on the floors, eat off dishes, use the bathroom and leave our things lying around.  This is a job for all of us, but again and again, it falls to me.  Naturally, it pisses me off.

Problem one – they don’t care much about clean.  The house has to get to a truly awful state before anyone else cares very much about cleaning it.  I have, for years, been told that I’m some kind of freak because I insist on weekly cleanings.  I think this is normal, yes?  Once a week floor and bathroom cleanings and dusting and such?  If anything, it might be a little on the lazy side, because some weeks my floors horrify me and anyone else who wanders into the house.  And some weeks, I don’t dust because I just don’t feel like it.

Problem two – they suck at cleaning. This is likely a result of problem one.  My family seems not to see dirt, so therefore they can’t eradicate it properly.  After years of trying to teach them to sweep a floor, I’ve given up.  I’ve tried to teach them to load the dishwasher, to no avail.  My husband and kids are all highly intelligent and capable people and I refuse to believe that they can’t learn to operate a mop.  I have suspected for years that they’re doing it on purpose.  If they do a crappy job, I will eventually stop asking.  Or they can protest, “I’ll do it, but it’s never good enough for you.” (insert pout)  No, it’s not good enough for me, so just do it better.

Problem three – I am easily distracted.  I might wake up one Sunday morning and announce that we’re going to clean the house today.  Everyone immediately comes up with a hundred more fun, interesting, relaxing other things that we should do.  I do enjoy spending time with my family and this is the only day I have to do it, so it’s not hard for them to derail my plans.  In addition, while it will only take us maybe an hour to get the house clean, it’s going to take me at least three hours to get everyone involved and most days, it’s just not worth the effort.

Right now I’m waiting for my floors to dry so I can finish cleaning, then go outside and mow, trim and dig in the dirt, which is something that’s necessary, but also something that I enjoy a whole heck of a lot more than dusting.  I also made a reckless promise to make chocolate orange  brownies today and you can bet the hubs is going to hold me to it. (I’m a stupid girl like that sometimes.)  What I need, what I am desperate for, is a solution to my cleaning conundrum. I am not the maid and I’m tired of feeling like it.  I’m tired of cleaning up after everyone and I’m tired of resenting them for it.  How do you keep your house clean?  How do you convince your family to pull their weight?  After all, I’m not the one who dripped a popsicle through the whole damn house, but I am the one mopping every floor.  In addition to the normal frustrations of cleaning up after these people, the popsicle dripper had the cojones to tell me yesterday, “This floor is a mess, Mom.  You need to mop today.”  What what what?!!!  This situation has clearly spiraled out of control and I owe it to this tiny beast’s future wife and family to rectify this now.

This is my cry for help.  Please deliver me from these slobs that live in my house.

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  1. help4family
    March 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Have you ever heard of flylady.net? She might seem a little cheezy at first but it actually works. It’s free to sign up for her blog. I use it and my husband wants to send her money because it helped so much. Just a thought.

    • March 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

      I’ve never heard of it, but I will definitely check her out. Thanks for the tip!

  1. April 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

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