Home > Uncategorized > Breakin’ Da Law, Breakin’ Da Law

Breakin’ Da Law, Breakin’ Da Law

I’m the first to admit, I’m a bad influence.  I have a bad attitude.  My children have spent their lives watching my fits of insanity when someone or something pushes my buttons.  However, I do follow the rules.  Except when I don’t.  Some rules don’t make sense.  Some rules are made by someone who just wants to make rules.  Some rules are made by people who just aren’t the boss of me.  This is particularly true when it comes to school rules.

I walk a fine line with school rules.  I want my children to grow up to be law-abiding citizens, so I require them to follow to rules.  However, I do not want them to grow up to be sheep, so I also try to teach them to understand the rules and to resist the stupid ones.  (The classification of a stupid rule to be determined by me.)    These classifications have, in years past, resulted in emails, conferences, and one rash statement that Mr. So-and-so is a power-hungry a-hole.  Sometimes my internal censor stops working.  Sue me.

And, for the love of Christ, don't rip your pants! via Google Images

Anyway, as determined by queen of my house and boss of all things involving my offspring, please see the following stupid rules that we have encountered as we wade hip-deep through the public school experience.

Stupid Rule #1

Cell phones must be kept in lockers during school hours.

I understand the rationale behind this one.  Kids should be learning during school hours, not playing Angry Birds.  However, we’ve been breaking this rule since day one.  First and foremost, cell phones are expensive and insurance plans are wasteful and I’m not about to take the risk that some punk is going to break into my kid’s locker and take her phone.  Secondly, what if there is a real and true emergency and my child needs me?  Bingo, there’s the whole reason I bought a tween a cell phone in the first place.  She needs to be able to reach me at any time, from anywhere.  Do you really expect me to place 100% trust in any given teacher to have my child’s welfare at the forefront?  Don’t be ridiculous.  The day she gets busted playing with her phone instead of paying attention in class, it’s going to become my spare phone, anyway, so I fail to see the issue.

Stupid Rule #2

Do not keep money or other valuables in your locker.

Please reference #1.  What?  I don’t know.  You tell me.

Stupid Rule #3

You must have a doctor’s note to miss two days of Phys Ed.

What utter and complete nonsense.  I am these kids’ mother.  If I say they are excused from Phys Ed for a couple of days, then you’d damn well better believe they’ll be excused and they won’t participate again until I say so.  I don’t need a doctor.  I am the mom, therefore, I make the rules about my children’s health and well-being.  How dare you make demands on my time and money for something that I have deemed unnecessary?  Well, this might actually be a flawed entry, because what I have recently discovered is that you don’t actually need a doctor’s note, all you need is an outraged and barely contained parent with a few minutes to spare for a principal phone conference.  It went something like this:  “So, you’re not taking her to the doctor?” (full of disbelief)  “No, I am not.  I will send a note to let you know when she’s better.  You can do whatever you need to do about it.”  (quietly) “I’ll let her teacher know.”  Boom. Done and done.

Stupid Rule #4

Torn pants will be repaired with duct tape.

I am not a huge fan of ripped jeans, but there was a time in my youth that I spent many an hour artfully ruining my clothes, so I get it.  But, if torn pants aren’t allowed as per the school dress code, I can understand that.  Now, show me a kid who has never, ever blown out the knee in a pair of jeans at school.  That’s right, you can’t.  Kids tear up their clothes like a lion on an antelope.  What’s the appropriate course of action should such a tragedy occur?  You and I might say there’s no action necessary.  Not so to the school.  Such tears must be attended to immediately with a roll of duct tape.  In the name of all that’s holy, they’re TAPING CLOTHES WITH DUCT TAPE!  Number one, if there are delicate areas exposed by the tear, then you should call me immediately.  I’ll bring a pair of pants to school post-haste.  Number two, if there are no delicate areas exposed, then stop the insanity, fools!!!  I’m okay with a kid knee showing for a couple of hours.  I’m not okay with you mummifying my child’s joints with duct tape. I double, nay, TRIPLE dog dare you to tape my child.  Do it!  I’m just spoiling for a fight.

Stupid rule #5

Solitaire is gambling.

Any student with extra time before or after computer class might be tempted to play solitaire, or even, (gasp) spider solitaire.  A sensible teacher might consider allowing such an activity, but, alas!  It’s not permitted because card games of any kind are considered gambling, which is, quite naturally banned on campus.  How someone can gamble when playing, ahem, solitaire is quite beyond me, but honestly, I just let it go.  It’s not that important, but I am wary of leaving my child in the care of adults who have managed to learn to gamble with Windows Solitaire.

Maybe I’m being overly confrontational about these things, but I can’t help it.  I resist stupidity and I do not follow the logic here.  Since these rules affect my children, over whom I am fiercely protective and possessive, I’m touchy.  Homework, okay.  Dress code, okay.  Make them sit down and shut up and learn something and we’ll all be happy.  Don’t overstep or you’ll find yourself on my turf.  In my defense, I have always invited communication with the schools, but, oddly, few take me up on it.  My children learned from an early age that there’s only one response appropriate at school when someone tries to enforce a rule that doesn’t make sense to them or doesn’t seem like something of which I would approve.  “You can call my mom.  Right now.”

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  1. April 23, 2012 at 7:25 am

    dude, i’m in for 20 Large in solitaire related debts! 😉

    • April 23, 2012 at 7:35 am

      Clearly a product of public schools. 😉

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