Home > Uncategorized > The Case of a Woman at WalMart

The Case of a Woman at WalMart

Disclaimer:  I am probably going to come off as bitchy and mean in this post.  That is because I am sometimes bitchy and mean.  You can take a pass if you’re offended by such things, but for what it’s worth, I find bitchy and mean people some of the most entertaining people in the world.  I often find people who are never just a little snarky rather boring.  You with me?

Yesterday I stopped by WalMart to pick up a few things.  I picked a checkout line with a lady in front of me who was also getting just a couple things.  Oh, I knew it wasn’t going to be fast, but I figured it would be the best I could do for a Saturday afternoon at WalMart.

I should have seen the signs from the very beginning.  When it was the lady’s turn to place her items on the conveyer belt, she did it in the most awkward way possible.  She stood on the far side of her cart, took the items out, then stretched across the cart and kind of tossed them onto the belt.  I know I was staring, but I was absolutely fascinated.  Why would she do it like that?  Item after item, I was transfixed.  Most of them didn’t even make it all the way onto the belt, they just kind of hovered over the edge.  And, get this, she didn’t fix them!!  She left them like that!  Amazing.

The cashier was doing her level best to speed things along.  She’s good, and she’s one of my favorites.  But, alas, no one was going to hurry this lady along.  I admit that my attention was on placing my own items on the belt while she was being checked out (and I was doing it properly, thankyouverymuch), but there was something going on that was taking way. too. long.  I heard the cashier giving the lady instructions on how to swipe her debit card and when to input the numbers and I began to understand what was going on.

There isn’t a name for what this lady is, but there needs to be. (Please submit your suggestions, my mind is blank.)  She’s one of those people who gets to the cashier at the store and acts like it’s her first damn day doing this.  She doesn’t know how to put her stuff on the belt, she can’t figure out how to pay, and for the love of God, she doesn’t realize that there are other people waiting for her to get her crap and GO, ALREADY.  Half of my stuff was rung up and in the bag before this lady even finished getting all of her bags to leave, and she had, perhaps, all of four or five bags.  I realize that I was in a hurry to get home, and I realize that I tend to move a little fast most of the time, but this lady was abso-freakin-lutely ridiculous.  As I quickly completed my purchase and used my debit card correctly, and without assistance, the cashier was a little extra nice, and had a little extra warmth in her voice and a tear in her eye as she wished me a good day.  I am quite sure that she loved me a little bit for my competence at checkout.  As for my lady?  Well, remember how she was in front of me in line?  Well, I was in my car driving away before she even finished walking to her car.  I saw her fumbling in her purse for keys in my rearview mirror.  Inconceivable.

You want to be a slow McSlowpoke when you walk your dog, cook your dinner, whatever it is that you do?  Fine, feel free.  It’s no skin off my nose if it takes you thirty minutes to walk to the bathroom.  In the store, though?  There, you’re sharing my space.  I am almost always in a hurry and it’s safe to say that I never want to spend any more time in WalMart than I absolutely must.  If you can’t speed it up, then you need to step aside.  There’s no mystery at the checkout.  It’s pretty much exactly the same every time.  If you can’t master this basic skill, then maybe you need a shopping assistant or something.  And seriously, if you can’t use your debit card, then you should probably just use cash.  The world does not have to accommodate you because you can’t remember from one week to the next how to buy a damn can of peas at Walmart.  At the very least you should apologize.  Have a little shame.  I can see it now.  “Excuse me, ma’am, I am going to be very slow.  I am going to make everything as difficult as possible and I don’t know how to use money.  I cannot lift more than one bag at a time.  You might consider changing lines, because I’m about to frustrate everyone within a ten foot radius.”

That, I could respect, at least.

  1. May 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    what about the people who use the motorized scooter/carts and wheel them into the middle of an isle, then get up and walk to retrieve their item? i understand some people aren’t able to walk throughout the whole store to do their shopping, but at least park the damn thing so others can get by! today while i was shopping, there were 2 scooter/carts and a regular cart clogging an isle.

    • May 6, 2012 at 6:27 pm

      Those are the moments I just stand there screaming, “Excuse me! Excuse me!!” I mean, c’mon people, have a little respect for all the people around you. And you’ve gotta love the people who block the aisle with two carts while they chat with their friends.

      • May 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

        oh, yeah! because that’s the whole reason i go to the store. to find a long lost friend and catch up on life’s happenings. speaking of screaming excuse me, those people that don’t move a muscle when you do ask? i’m getting a little angry just talking about all this!

      • May 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

        I figure if they don’t respond to “excuse me,” then that’s my permission to be a rude jackwagon as well, so I invade their personal space to get whatever I need. 😉

  2. May 6, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    I have a suggestion for the name… and I base this on my own observations of several annoying individuals who routinely appear as if they don’t know how to shop, don’t know how to put items on a check out belt and all without fail wait til the last minute to try and find their bank cards… as if it’s some great surprise that payment will required… and those individuals are middle aged men. So perhaps that lady was one of them…. in drag.

    • May 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

      You could be right…but if she was in drag, she was doing it poorly. A nice wig might have helped things along. 🙂

  3. May 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    LMAO. i hate those people. and that’s why i lurve self-checkouts.

    • May 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

      Our WalMart shut down all the self-checkouts. Booooooo.

  4. May 14, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    Please think before you react to my comment. Your physical abilities are not guaranteed to stay the same all your life. I wish yours do not turn up like that lady you are being so critical of.I hope you do not become the laughing stock of some insensitive jerk out there.My prayers are with you.

    • May 15, 2012 at 5:54 am

      Of course I am not referring to someone with physical infirmities or disabilities. None that I’m aware of, anyway. That’s just not what this is about. However, I’m quite sure that I am already the laughingstock for many people, and I’m fine with that. Thanks for reading anyway, although I do wish you had been able to refrain from name calling. Constructive comments are welcome; personal attacks, much less so.

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