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The Energy Experiment

My dad called me last night to ask if I like hot sauce and energy drinks.  Okay, well, the hot sauce is irrelevant.  For the record, though, I don’t like hot sauce.  Not because I’m a wimp (I am), but because it’s too vinegary for me.  Anyway, I’m drifting off topic.  The real meat of the conversation had to do with 5 hour energy.  Turns out, my sister swears by it, as well she should.  She’s a mom, a wife, a small business owner times two and a superwoman in general.  It’s kind of a relief to hear that she has a secret energy source.  I personally am not a fan of energy drinks of any kind.  I can’t drink something that tastes like sweetened condensed Mountain Dew, which is exactly what my husband’s preferred brand resembles.  As I discovered last night, my dad is not only not a fan, but he’s an out-and-out skeptic.  And so he enlisted his children to join him as guinea pigs in an energy drink experiment.  This is just how we roll.  If we didn’t have contests, challenges and experiments in our lives, I just don’t know what we’d do with ourselves.


At precisely nine am, I got an email from Dad, saying, “It’s time to drink your drink.”  In three different businesses in two different cities, my sister, my dad and myself all simultaneously chugged a 5 hour energy.  And I do mean chugged; I’d sooner sip on drain cleaner or savor a cup of spit as taste that sucker.  I have to admit that I was slightly concerned, since I had just recently finished my morning coffee.  I figured I’d be twitching and shaking in no time.

I waited and I waited, until suddenly I realized that my 5 hour energy ran out two hours ago.  What?  Where’s my energy, dammit?

When I heard that my dad’s results pretty much mirrored mine, I drew my conclusion.  It’s just caffeine, y’all.  My dad and I are heavy coffee drinkers.  I could have coffee for a midnight snack as little effect as caffeine has on me, and I’m pretty sure my dad bleeds coffee grounds.  The energy shot contains roughly as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, which is enough to perk you up for a while, unless you already drink gallons of coffee every day.  Then it’s just like spitting in the ocean.

So, I’m still not sold on energy drinks.  Coffee works as well, and it tastes a whole heck of a lot better.  I admit, though, that there is one brand that intrigues me, and so my experimentation may not yet be over.  Fuel in a Bottle, here I come.  I could use a little more “wooo” in my “wooo.”


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