Home > Uncategorized > Even Food Network Isn’t Perfect

Even Food Network Isn’t Perfect

I love Food Network.  It’s my go-to channel.  When there’s nothing else on TV, that’s where we go.  It’s home to my very favorites, Chopped, The Next Food Network Star, Restaurant Impossible, and all and any competition show and/or anything with Alton Brown.  It’s also possibly the only channel that has shows that everyone in the house enjoys, on those rare occasions when I can tear Hubs away from History or Discovery.  But alas, nothing is perfect and I have to admit there are some things about Food Network that grate on me. (grate. haha)

Long Hair

Anne knows there’s not a hair in her food. via foodnetwork.com

Please, for the love of all that’s holy, please put your hair up when you’re cooking.  I realize that cooking shows aren’t real life and I dearly hope that these chefs are just trying to look nice for TV, and don’t really cook with hair hanging every which way.  I also recognize that I have a peculiar affliction.  When I feel stress, my hair starts falling out by the handful.  It’s but by the grace of God and multi vitamins that I’m not totally bald.  The result of this is that I can’t step foot into the kitchen unless my hair is tied back, otherwise I’m just serving hairy food.  So while I can understand that not everyone is losing hair at alarming rates, I still don’t want to see people cooking with hair hanging loose.  Please just put your hair up.  Or, better yet, take a cue from Anne Burrell.  I dare her hair to try to fall out.  It’s not going anywhere, yo.

Sexy Food

photo via carribeantravelmag.com. I advise extreme caution when googling “sexy food” images.

This must stop.  Stop making sexy food!  I don’t want my food to be sexy!  You’re making me feel like I should be showing up at the dinner table in lingerie and stilettos.  Considering the “family table” movement, this is wrong on a billion different levels.  Dinner time is when we talk about our days and what our kids learned in school today.  This is not an appropriate time for anything to be sexy.  I can just see it now.  “Come to the table kids, wait til you see this sexy dish I’ve prepared!”  No.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Stop trying to make my food sexy, I’m not buying it.  It’s enough for it to be “sophisticated” or “elegant”.

My Local Asian Market

Ah, the glory that is mascarpone! via wikipedia.com

I live in a small town.  I don’t have access to exotic ingredients.  It’s incredibly frustrating for my TV chef to advise me to just pop by my local Asian market or the fish monger.  Look, if Walmart doesn’t sell it, I’m not getting it.  Stop teasing me with all these exotic delights.  I just recently got access to tomato paste in tube form and I’m awfully damned excited about that.  I can’t even lay my hands on mascarpone cheese.  If you must use exotic ingredients, and you should expose people to new things, I get it, please also offer an easily accessible alternative for those of us who are market-challenged.

And Now I’m Hungry

Photo via foodnetwork.com, of course. See what I mean?

Okay, this is not their fault.  I recognize that this is my weakness.  The fact that I get hungry every time I watch Food Network just indicates that they’re doing their job well.  However, it annoys me that they make me want to eat so badly.  I don’t even like french toast, but I just saw a lovely image of stuffed french toast with strawberries and I feel that I must have it.  Now.  Or possibly something, anything, delicious that I might find in my kitchen.  Sigh.  I’m starving.

I’m off to put up my hair, then find some lunch.  Done in by the Food Network again.

 

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  1. June 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Hilarious. So true. My husband and I love Alton!!!

    • June 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

      Watching Romancing the Bird at Thanksgiving is more important than watching the Great Pumpkin at Halloween (kind of). Alton rules! 🙂

  2. June 4, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    LOL, I agree Food Networks always makes me hungry. They can make the most disgusting thing look appetizing. funny points.

    • June 4, 2012 at 3:03 pm

      They’ve tricked me into eating things I KNOW I don’t like on more than one occasion! Thanks for reading!

  3. June 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Oh how I love the Food Network too! I watch it every day, and it never fails to make me hungry. Speaking of hair, I really can’t stand Ann Burrell’s, its so in your face I start thinking about hair when I’m trying to think about food, gross!

    • June 4, 2012 at 7:17 pm

      I agree, it is distracting, but I find it preferable to long locks swinging around the food. I’m kind of in favor of hair nets for everyone. Thanks for reading!

  4. June 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    Thanks for subscribing to my blog, bananasandprunes. I hope it will give you lots more chuckles. Many revolve around food, because like you, my husband Bill and I love Food Network and eating and drinking. I like your blog very much.

    • June 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm

      Thank you for reading, Patt. I do enjoy your blog a lot, and I always enjoy food posts! Look forward to reading more!

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