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My Gigantic Children

Okay, yes, yes, my kids are growing up and getting old.  Awfully fast.  This is not news.  I’ve spoken of it before, but no parent on earth needs to be told about it, because you’re living it, too.  While I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how smart and independent they’re getting, I have overlooked one important thing.  They are getting huge.

Yesterday I had to order new sparring gear for my ten-year-old son.  For those that don’t know, you have to measure head, foot, hand and shin for the proper fit.  With tears in my eyes and a catch in my throat, I ordered my little boy a size adult medium.  ADULT MEDIUM.  Out of sheer curiosity, I made him hold his hand to mine and I discovered that his beefy little palm is very nearly the same width as mine.  And I am not a small girl.  This boy is well on his way to being a behemoth Shaq-sized kid.

Now, if you’re tempted to chalk this up to his boyness, I need to tell you about a time when my daughter was about ten and we had a blissful summer when she wore the same size shoes as I did and my flip-flop collection doubled.  I was giddy with the idea of sharing shoes.  (It’s not gross, she’s my kid!)  Then she outgrew them.  Oh, yes, you read that right.  My daughter wears bigger shoes than I do and, again, I do not have small feet.  I wear an 8 1/2 on a good day if I don’t mind pinching my toes a little.

So, after I have so recently made peace with the idea that my kids are half-grown and I’m about to have a teenager, I now have to deal with the fact that, in a few short years, I’m going to be dwarfed by both of my children.  I’m pretty tall for a woman and I have big feet and I’m used to being above average size.  (I’m talking about bone structure.  I’m not going to discuss my fluffiness today.)  When I had a baby boy, I figured he would one day be taller than me and it was kind of cute and funny to think about.  Well, now that it’s staring me in the face, it’s not so cute anymore.  And it’s really not cute to know that my daughter is likely to pass me up, too.  I’m going to be the shrimp of the family.

I place the blame for this squarely where it belongs, with my husband’s freakish Scandinavian genetics.  You want to talk about some big kids…they grow some BIG kids.  I don’t know why I thought I would be immune or why I thought that my own genes would even have the slimmest chance to shine through.  This is a family in which cousins look more alike that most siblings do in normal families.  If you put all those cousins in a room and tried to match them to their parents, you could never do it.  They all look alike.  (Luckily, they’re all stunningly beautiful and I swear I’m not biased.)  The spouses are just along for the ride, we really have nothing to offer to the gene pool.

Anyway, to my point, Hubs family are all very tall and all the boys and men are built like linebackers.  My children are no different and they’re growing into their genes faster than I would like.  In some ways, it’s nice to know that they won’t be fragile and dainty.  But I’d be lying if I said I weren’t alarmed by the fact that my twelve-year-old has, maybe, two more years of literally looking up to me.  I’m worried about what’s going to happen to my grocery bills when my son hits his teenage growth spurts.  Oh, I remember my nephews at that age.  I remember looking in my sister-in-law’s fridge with my mouth hanging open at the sheer volume of milk, hot dogs and bologna to feed three boys for a week (or less).  I’m nervous about being the “little one,” because I never have been and I don’t think I’m going to like it.  I am already unnerved to stand on tiptoe to hug my nephews.  There’s nothing quite so bizarre as being called “Aunt” by someone who stands a good foot taller than you.

I’m glad my children are growing tall and strong.  This has, obviously, always been the goal.  They are healthy and beautiful.  I just don’t want them to get bigger than me.  Is my mama voice going to work on a kid towering over me?  How effective is that “you’re in trouble” look going to be if I’m looking up?  Since they’ve got me beat in size, I guess I’m just going to have to increase my meanness now, while I can still take them out.  There is no better argument than, “You might be bigger, but I’m meaner.”  Also, I’m your mama.  I win.  Maybe I’ll just grab the silver lining and make them carry groceries and move furniture for me.


  1. Chatter Master
    July 15, 2012 at 10:29 am

    I absolutely love this. But….here’s something I have used since my own children burst past toddling at my knee. YOU are as TALL as you want to be!!!! When we lined up for group pictures in our martial arts classes and they always said “tall ones get in the back” I always went right for the back. I remember a hospital show once, years ago…. St. Elsewhere. The kid who played Adam on 8 Is Enough was on it. His parents, if I remember, were Little People. And he was growing past them. Dr. in the stairwell with kids and parent…had parent stand on different steps. Showing that the size of the parent did not matter. The child always saw the parent. And the loving parent is always a giant in the child’s eye. 🙂


    You have nothing to worry about. You are as tall as you want to be.

    • July 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

      I love that! I actually had a conversation with my son recently about his advancing karate skills and he said he could take me down and I said, but you wouldn’t…he said, of course not, you’re my mama! Love it! I am still tempted to hide their vitamins, though. 😉

      • Chatter Master
        July 15, 2012 at 12:09 pm

        Good boy!!!!! I have a feeling the vitamins …they are absorbing them through the air!

  2. July 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Love this post! My mother always complains about this topic, lol. Then again, so do I. I fondly remember the day my little brother was shorter than me. Sure, it was ten years ago, but now I get the perks of calling him “Gargantuar” and making him reach things on the top shelf for me.

    • July 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

      That’s funny, I’ve been telling my daughter for years to enjoy being taller than her little brother, because it won’t last. Looks like that one is going to come back and bite me.

  3. July 15, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    I love this post!! I fear I will be in your shoes (no pun intended) in a couple of years. My hubby is 6’-6” and I am 5’-9” and when I took my kiddos to the doctor to get an estimate on their prospective height I was shocked to learn that I would be the shorty in my family. I will have 3 kiddos and a hubby towering over me. And I have to admit I shared the same concerns you do, the main issue, discipline. Thankfully you will be addressing this issue of height before me so I will continue to follow your blog and take notes.
    Hang in their shorty, lol!

    • July 16, 2012 at 8:35 am

      I’ll be sure to keep you updated on our progress…it’s so unnerving to know we’re going to have to look up at our children. Hard to imagine when they’re teeny. I sure don’t tower over my parents, I have to admit that I didn’t really think it would ever come to this.

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