Home > Uncategorized > If Wishes Were Fishes…

If Wishes Were Fishes…

Someone once said that you can do anything you set your mind to.  That person is a liar.  Maybe you can do most things, through hard work, persistence and faith.  But, there are some things you can’t do, no matter what.  I am old enough to understand this, but I’m not yet old enough to have made peace with it.  There are things that I want to do, that I wish I could do, but I can’t.  I know we all have our shortcomings and our limitations and I’m fine with mine.  Except for these:

Not me.
via beatclass.com

I wish I could sing.

Singing is so fun and joyous.  Unless I’m the one singing, in which case, it’s painful and sad.  I have, my whole life, wished that I could carry a tune.  I don’t have to be great.  I don’t have to be famous, or even good enough to audition for American Idol.  I just want to be good enough so I don’t scare children and small animals when I break into song.  But it’s not to be.  So I limit my singing to solo car trips and the occasional Rock Band concert in my home (before which, I always warn any guests of what’s about to happen to their ears).

Also not me.
via hrmorning.com

I wish I could remain composed.

When I get very, very angry, I completely lose my shit.  My voice quavers.  My hands shake.  And I usually cry.  This does not make me scary, it makes me look like a loser.  I can say that I’m crying tears of rage all I want (and it’s true!), but still.  I’m crying in front of you when I really want to rip your head off and poop down your neck.  (Not you, personally, of course.)  I want to be one of those really cool, scary, badass women who will let loose on you the tirade that you deserve.  Instead, I say something stupid that barely makes sense, then run away so no one will see the tears.  It’s really not fair, because I am terrifying, in my head.  I just want to be able to get what’s in my head out, and directed at the appropriate party, without blubbering and needing a Valium.

Absolutely, definitely not me.
via tetonrockclimbs.com

I wish I were brave.

Specifically, brave enough to do things like rock climbing.  Even more specifically, I just want to rock climb.  It looks incredibly fun, but I will never do it.  Firstly, I don’t have the upper body strength to climb out of bed, let alone to pull myself up the sheer wall of a mountain.  But let’s set that aside, shall we?  I could improve that, if it were the only issue.  Sadly, it’s not.  I’m afraid of heights.  I’ve subconsciously rationalized it quite a lot, to address my concerns about rope quality and those thingies that you jam into the side of the mountain, but really what it is, is that I’m pretty much convinced that I will fall off a mountain and land in a hidden valley somewhere (not the salad dressing kind of valley, either), get trapped under a boulder, and be eaten by wild squirrels (or something more terrifying).  So…no rock climbing.

Not my poor little gross eyeball.
via lasikguider.com

I wish I could see.

I know, you’re sick of hearing about my stupid eyes.  I’ve posted twice before about my deplorable vision.  This will be the last.  I want Lasik really, really bad.  I can’t even begin to imagine the delights of opening my eyes in the morning and seeing everything, all crisp and clear.  Actually, I can’t even imagine finding my way to the bathroom at night without tripping over a cat.  But alas, I can’t get Lasik.  Did I mention that my vision is deplorable?  It’s also still deteriorating.  So, I’ll just keep on wishing, at least until I can sign up for Lasik on the frequent flyer plan.

Yep, that’s me.
via professor-murman.info

I wish I were comfortable in social situations.

This is a big one.  I am not one of those people who can just strike up a conversation with any old person who happens to be nearby.  It’s not that I don’t want to talk to people, although I know that’s how I come off.  It’s just that I have no freaking clue what to say to them.  I suck at small talk.  I’m not good at upbeat, friendly talk that is approved for general audiences.  And, more importantly, I can be incredibly inappropriate when I turn off the filter.   The filter allows the following through:  “Hi.” “How are you?”  “Maybe we’ll  some rain.”  “Have a great day/night/weekend.”  Occasionally some random, slightly alarming facial expression will accompany these witticisms.  Or I will laugh, and when I laugh, I snort.  Not the conversation starter I’m looking for.  Most of the time, it’s much easier and more comfortable for me to be quiet, but that is unsettling to other people and makes them think I hate everyone.    Just be patient…eventually I will think of something to talk about, and hopefully you will find me to be somewhat entertaining and not too offensive.

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