Home > Uncategorized > The Day My House Vomited

The Day My House Vomited

As I’ve mentioned, I spent years renting houses.  When you do that, you don’t always get all the kitchen appliances you want.  So, when I bought my house, I immediately installed a garbage disposal.  (When I say that *I* installed it, what I mean, of course, is that my father and my husband installed it whilst I danced around the kitchen much like I did when I was six and I got a Ballerina Barbie.)  I love that garbage disposal so much.  Dumping out things like leftover soup or cereal?  No longer an issue.  Old stinky leftovers in the fridge?  GONE, with the flip of a switch!

In theory, anyway.

via drainworks.com

via drainworks.com

I thought that garbage disposals were kind of a universal thing.  You put them in and wash all your nasties down the drain and everything’s lovely.  This is only true if you don’t have godawful plumbing in the house coupled with some truly outstanding poor judgment when you start dumping things down the drain.  Since I have both of these things, I excel at clogging the drain.  I mean, I am a champ at it.

I’m going to tell you this story so that you understand the extent of my problem.  Not because I am proud.  (Okay, I am little proud.  But I’m a little ashamed of that.)  One day I decided to grind up some old Brunswick stew.  Never mind that common sense will tell you the Brunswick stew is mushy and will not grind.  I dumped it into the sink with wild abandon.  Things went south quickly, my friends.

The first sign of trouble is nasty food water backing up into the other side of the double sink.  But it’s not too late!  Sometimes that will clear itself out!  But not this time.

So I went on my personal variation of the walk of shame.  I found my husband and hung my head, mumbling, “I think I clogged the sink.”  Of course, the reason I think this is because I now have a double sink full of watery Brunswick stew funk, but he’ll discover that soon enough.  I have to try to break it to him gently, because he would sooner roll around on hot coals, naked, than deal with the plumbing.  In the time he takes to walk into the kitchen, he is going to need to gather all of his strength just to keep from strangling me for what I’ve done.

See, this was no ordinary clog.  The more he worked on clearing the kitchen sink, the more the stew became determined to take over my house.  The bathroom sink backed up.  The dishwasher backed up.  The water pipes behind my washing machine spewed stew.  I’m not even kidding, I wish I were.  Through all this, I hovered around my poor Hubs, wanting to help but absolutely certain that I would do the wrong thing.  Seriously, this is one of those moments I just wanted to vanish.  I broke our house.  He was furious, but containing it well.  I mean, he knew it was an accident, but still.  I broke the house.  I had a stew-geyser behind the washing machine, for the love of God!

So, eventually he fixed it.  I don’t know how and I didn’t ask.  We don’t speak of it.

My transgressions of that day have resulted in the following five cardinal rules of garbage disposing.  Take heed, my friends, from someone who has hung upside down off a washing machine to scrub stew off the walls.

Rule 1: Anything containing shredded meat of any kind must never, never enter the sink.

Rule 2: You must only grind small amounts at a time, while running truly wasteful, earth-killing amounts of water.

Rule 3: If you’re not sure about it, ask Hubs if you can grind it.

Rule 4: If he says no, do not ask “Why not?”

Rule 5: When If you do clog it again, there’s no need to break the news gently.  When you run out of the kitchen, wailing, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I swear I ran lots of water!”, he will know, he will say nothing, and he will get the pipe snake.

That’s love.

  1. February 9, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    oh my golly, the same thing happened at my house a couple of weeks ago. shower backed up, then the kitchen sinks after i ran the disposal, then the bathroom sink. my husband is not a handy man (however, when it comes to tech gear, look out!) so my dad came to the rescue. he plunged forever with no success and finally used the snake. he ended up pulling out a clog (all my hair) which looked like a small animal.

    • February 9, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      My long lost sister in plumbing disaster! Hubs also prefers techy repairs, but many years of living with me has forced him to adapt to plumbing. 😉 May your days be happy and your drains be clear!

  2. Shelly Tennyson Taylor
    February 10, 2013 at 10:23 am

    Lol, I guess I am lucky I don’t have a garbage disposal. However hubs gets equally mad when I dump leftovers out the upstairs door and splatter food on the side of the house which he has to then pressure wash off!

    • February 11, 2013 at 7:33 am

      It seems there’s no pleasing husbands when it comes to food disposal… Picky guys. 😉

  3. February 17, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Wow. I also laughed as I read. I have new plumbing – and yet hubby and I deal with clogs a lot. You can get back at me (for the laughing) by reading about us!

    • February 17, 2013 at 5:05 pm

      Thanks for reading. I’m beginning to believe that plumbing is the devil…there has to be a better solution!

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