Home > Uncategorized > My Dream Job: A Business Plan

My Dream Job: A Business Plan

I have a dream.  My dream is to become independently wealthy so that I may start a small business.  Maybe that seems backwards, but that’s how I mean it.  You see, my business idea isn’t likely to be successful.  My dream is to be the Cake Nazi.

(I don’t want to be an actual Nazi, that is reprehensible.  I want to be this kind of Nazi.)

I love to make cakes.  However, I like to do it the way I want to do it, not necessarily the way other people want it.  I have difficulty with very specific orders.  The kind of cake orders I like are:  “The colors are this and that.  Just make it nice.”  Damn right, I’ll make it nice.  But I have trouble with orders that want this picture here and those words there and can you make it look like this picture?  I feel stifled.  Also, I do not have the personality type that makes it easy for me to work with the public.  I’m ornery.

via quickmemes.com

via quickmemes.com

So, I’ve decided that my path is to be the Cake Nazi.  If you work with me, I will provide lovely and delicious cakes whenever you’d like them.  If you don’t, well then.  No cake for you.  Come back in one year.

The Rules:

  • Cakes come in flavors, not colors.  Yellow and white are not options.  Red velvet is commonly accepted, but not here.  Tread lightly.
  • If you need a birthday cake for your child, I KNOW that you knew this day was coming.  Do not wait until two days before the birthday to order an elaborate cake.
  • Don’t ask me to duplicate anything, not even my own work.  That’s boring and unoriginal.
  • It’s not necessary to write on every cake.  If you’re serving cake at a birthday party, it is generally acknowledged that you want to wish someone a happy birthday.
  • When you pick up a cake, support it on the bottom, for the love!!
  • I’m not putting plastic crap on a cake.  If you must have toy figures on a cake, add them after you take it home and pray that I never find out about it.
  • If you want to pay grocery store prices, then go to a grocery store.  My time is valuable.
  • Know how many people you need to serve.  Cake is not a one-size-fits-all proposition.
  • Copyright infringement is a real thing.  There will be no Mickey Mouse cakes.
  • Never, ever say, “It’s just cake.”
  • Use correct grammar.  It’s not relevant to cake, but it’s important to me.
  • Do not annoy, irritate, or piss me off in general.

I’m not getting any closer to becoming independently wealthy, so I’m just putting this out there for anyone who wants to get in on this business plan.  Do you have scads of money that you’d like to risk on a woman who fully intends to alienate a huge portion of the customer base, but makes really good cake?  Then take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity now, before it’s too late!

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Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,
  1. February 18, 2013 at 9:06 pm

    Awesome! I want to do the same thing but mine would be a specialty food shop and I would be able to kick out anyone that even thought about being entitled, rude or demanding.

    • February 19, 2013 at 5:53 am

      Absolutely! Maybe we could have a whole mall of such stores!

      • February 19, 2013 at 8:23 am

        I love it! Yes, yes we should!

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