Home > Uncategorized > Top Ten Ways Teenagers are like Babies

Top Ten Ways Teenagers are like Babies

I admit, once my children got to a certain age, I relaxed a little.  Once they were old enough to bathe themselves, get dressed and get their own food, I thought I had the mommy thing pretty well licked.  Well, you know what happens to mommies who get overconfident, right?  Yep, they get a teenager.

My daughter turned thirteen last fall, and I must commend her on the enthusiasm with which she has embraced the teen years.  She’s taking this seriously, and I find myself plunged into a bizarre parenting loop.  Just when I allowed all the distant memories of babyhood to fade into my memory, I find myself repeating the whole process, only this time it’s with a kid who can back sass. (yay)

via creatememe.com

via creatememe.com

  1.  They don’t sleep when you want them to.  In a shocking twist, teenagers seem determined to make up for all the sleep they missed in babyhood by sleeping well into the afternoon at every opportunity.
  2. Time spent in the bathroom primping is roughly equivalent to the time spent changing diapers the first year.
  3. They require special bath soaps and shampoos.  Sadly, Johnson & Johnson comes much cheaper than a vast array of Bath & Body Works soaps, lotions and sprays. (Or Axe, if you’ve got the male variety of teen.)
  4. You are always buying them new clothes.  Not because they’ve outgrown them, but because the $100 coat you bought six months ago isn’t in style as much as the $200 coat they need now.
  5. They lie around a lot.  It’s exciting to help your baby learn to walk, but it gets old quick when you’re nagging encouraging your teenager to get outside and get some exercise.
  6. It’s a battle to feed them right.  Days of breastfeeding and introducing solid foods may be far behind you, but the battle of pizza and Cheetos rages on.
  7. When they’re cranky and irritable, you don’t understand why and there is nothing that you can do to fix it.
  8. You have to protect them from danger.  You’ll long for the days of baby-proofing the house when you send them out into a world full of predators, drugs and irresponsible drivers.  You will have nightmares of letting them drive long before that day actually comes.
  9. You can’t leave the house in a hurry.  You might not need to pack a diaper bag anymore, but you still have to wait for them to find the right shoes, a matching jacket, find their cell phone and text their friends the latest life update.
  10. Most of the time, you are completely clueless and sure that you’re doing everything wrong.

Lest I become too relaxed as I decipher this new role, I am reminded that in two short years, I will have another new teenager, and it will undoubtedly be a whole new ballgame.  Remember when you had your second baby and you thought you had it all figured out?  Yeah, I learned the hard way that kids don’t make it that easy on you.  But maybe, just maybe, the next one will be easier.  I have, at least, learned one hard lesson in parenting.  Never, ever let your guard down.  And buy lots of Cheetos.

Sometimes you just have to keep the peace.

  1. February 25, 2013 at 10:01 am

    How right (and humorous) you are!

    • February 25, 2013 at 12:50 pm

      Thanks for your comment! If I couldn’t laugh at it, I’d cry my eyes out. 😉

  2. February 25, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    I enjoyed this post..a lot! Good luck with the next one…my two oldest were only 13 months apart so their teen years were spent trying to drive me crazy x 2!

    • February 25, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      Thank you…I’m going to need all the luck I can get, I am sure.

  3. Martha
    February 25, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    ahhhh the joys!!

    • February 25, 2013 at 4:29 pm

      All I can do is hope that boys are easier. I doubt it, though.

  4. keefer
    February 25, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    #11, it’s a bad idea to screw with their schedules. They get all out of whack, just like a baby (or toddler). I see this all the time at school.

    • February 25, 2013 at 7:44 pm

      Yes, how true. The biggest difference being that a teenager can inform you about how hormones affect their schedule and why they need to do things the way they do, because it’s HORMONAL. I prefer my cranky babies before they learn to talk. 😉

  5. February 26, 2013 at 12:46 am

    This is hilarious!! If I had more followers I would repost. Excellent!!

    • February 26, 2013 at 5:52 am

      Thank you! 🙂

  6. February 26, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    I feel ya sista! I have a teen aged son. We definitely have issues with eating. Mine wants to live off of simple carbs and Chick-fil-a. The primping thing though isn’t an issue for us. We have the opposite problem. Showers are great but actually using soap and shampoo appears to be a totally foreign concept. Brushing your teeth? Never heard of it. It amazes me that we still have to remind him to brush his teeth in the morning and we can’t guarantee the results. He had a JROTC drill competition this past Saturday and we were praying he wouldn’t breathe on the guy performing their inspection. That might have been an automatic disqualification!

    • February 27, 2013 at 5:49 am

      Oh man! I thought that might be an issue with boys. See, I’m going to be lost again with my second teen!

  7. March 11, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    You got that right! Until my oldest left I had three teenagers in the house at one time. Just like living in a rattlesnake nest!

    • March 11, 2013 at 5:33 pm

      *shudder* THREE! Hat’s off to you!

  1. March 18, 2013 at 4:24 pm

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