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Why I need a Peanut Tree

There’s something peculiar happening in my house.

The consumption rate of peanut butter has recently increased a zillion-fold.  I mean, it’s dramatic.  Friday morning I opened a new jar of peanut butter to make my kids’ breakfast shakes.  When I returned home that very same night, I found a half-empty jar of peanut butter.  And I’m not talking about one of those tiny, wimpy little jars.  I’m talking about the big one that comes wrapped up with a twin from Sam’s Club.

First, peanut butter is far more expensive than it seems like it should be.  It makes me angry to spend so much money on peanut butter.  So much so, in fact, that I’ve experimented with making my own peanut butter.  Which led me to the realization that peanuts themselves are more expensive than they ought to be.  So, since I’m spending my hard-earned dollars on this one way or another, I’ll take the lazy way out, which is a giant jar of Jif.  A giant jar of Jif that should last a month or more.  The same jar that is barely getting us through the week.

Second, I don’t consider peanut butter a particularly healthy food.  It has its good points, but overall, I like to treat peanut butter as an occasional treat, not a staple.  We have a long-established no-more-than-twice-a-week peanut butter sandwich rule around here.  I have bent on this to some degree by adding a spoonful of peanut butter to the aforementioned breakfast shakes, which began as a way to get a little extra nutrition into my oldest as she recovers from her bout with gastroparesis and has morphed into the be-all, end-all of weekday breakfasts for both kids.  Still, a spoonful a day is reasonable.  A half a jar a day damn near requires an intervention.

Third, I don’t actually see anyone eating any peanut butter.  I can’t explain this.  I know my daughter often has a PB&J on days when her stomach is feeling shaky, but that doesn’t come near to explaining the peanut butter phenomenon.  Who is eating it all and when are they doing it?  I am usually around the house, how am I missing all this peanut butter eating?  Are there secret midnight peanut butter meetings in my kitchen?  Why am I not invited to these?

Before long, I’m going to have to put a nannycam in the peanut butter cabinet.

via amazon.com

via amazon.com

Moderately Healthy Breakfast Shakes for Kids who Don’t Want Breakfast and Moms who are Always Late

6 Tablespoons of Carnation Breakfast Essentials

1 Large Banana

1 spoonful of peanut butter (if there’s any left)

1/2 cup crushed ice

3/4 cup milk

Throw it all in the blender and blend until the noise has woken the children for school.  Bon Appetit!

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  1. nannypology
    February 25, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    We have the same phenomenon around here with cereal. My theory is there is a cereal fairy and it all goes to the same place as that darned missing sock!!

    • February 25, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      I think you’re on to something!

  2. February 25, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    The shake sounds awesome. I bet it’s PB on the Spoon. Dip and run!!!!!

    • February 25, 2013 at 1:16 pm

      You’re probably right. They’re peanut butter ninjas.

      • February 25, 2013 at 4:49 pm

        I wonder why we, PB Ninjas that is, don’t go for the jelly in the same way? Shoot….did I just reveal a secret oath taken by the PBN’s?

      • February 25, 2013 at 5:38 pm

        Aha…secrets revealed!

  3. February 25, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    I just made brownies an hour ago. They have disappeared and I’m on a diet so I know I didn’t eat them! There are two men walking around here with suspicious crumbs sitting in the corners of their mouths. I don’t think I’ll need a nanny cam to solve this one! 🙂

    • February 25, 2013 at 3:08 pm

      Aren’t these mysterious disappearances puzzling? (I wish peanut butter left crumbs….)

  4. February 26, 2013 at 12:44 am

    What about chocolates? This is the worst…Fruit does not seem to have the same proble though…Odd is it not?

    • February 26, 2013 at 5:51 am

      That’s a good point, it IS odd. Vegetables and leftovers don’t have this issue either. Hmmm…

  5. February 26, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    It’s usually me. Me and a spoon.

    • February 26, 2013 at 8:40 pm

      Ha! Someone’s hiding spoons, I think!

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