Home > Uncategorized > Chocolate and Bunnies and Eggs, Oh My.

Chocolate and Bunnies and Eggs, Oh My.

Easter Sunday is NEXT WEEK!!!  I am telling you this just in case it has snuck up on you the same way it has me, and I want to spare you that moment of panic when you look at Hubs and screech, “It’s next WEEK!” and he calmly looks back and says, “I know,” then you feel like a hysterical moron.

We are not a church-going family, so I don’t need to go buy a bunch of fancy-schmancy clothes or bonnets or the like.  (I may, at some point, disclose more about my feelings on church, but since it is highly personal, complicated and a real hot-button topic, I may not.  Suffice it to say that we have faith, we believe in God and we are well-schooled in the Bible and organized religion.  We just don’t go to church.)  We do, however, have other Easter traditions that I need to organize in ONE WEEK.

Now, my kids are too old for the Easter bunny.  I have reached a point in my mommy-life where I should be able to drop this charade.  Sadly (for me), my youngest will not have it.  He will not fess up to knowing the truth about Santa, the Easter Bunny, or any of the other lies we tell our kids when they’re little and it’s cute.  Hubs has strictly forbidden me from saying the words, “…so and so is not real.”  I have to wait until I am approached.  I am totally convinced that this will never, ever happen and I will be forced to stay up late every damn Christmas and Easter eve until this child moves out of my house so I can pretend some mythical being has left gifts.  I don’t know why he carries on with this.  He lost a tooth last week.  When the “tooth fairy” came to visit, he woke up.  He watched me walk into his bedroom, leave money lying on his night stand, then walk back out.  The next day he mentioned something that he wanted to buy with the money the tooth fairy left.  OMG, son!  Please just give it up!!  I am so tired of this!  I have been doing this for more than a decade, I need a break and, for the love, I need to ask you what you want for Easter because you are an eleven year old boy and I have no clue what to buy you unless you specifically tell me.  I have a feeling I’m going to need to have his sister talk to him about this (since I am not allowed), and explain that the gifts will keep coming, even after we all know the deal.

via quickmemes.com

via quickmemes.com

So, even though these kids are too old for the Easter bunny, and would probably be quite happy with cash instead of piles of candy, I have to be cute.  I have to find little gifts  and clever bunny candy and a bunch of other crap that will kind of fit in a basket.  And, shit.  I also need to find their baskets.  I am quite sure that there is a troll living in my attic with an impressive collection of Easter baskets hidden away, because I lose those suckers on a regular basis.  I can’t even explain it.  I know the exact location of my high school yearbooks, which I have not touched in twenty years, but I can’t find two brightly colored baskets that I carefully stored away just under a year ago.

There is one tradition that I am pleased that they haven’t outgrown yet.  Coloring eggs, of course.  We have dyed eggs on Easter eve every year, and I’m not willing to give it up.   So you can imagine my delight when I asked my grumpy teenager if she is too cool to color eggs with her family and she said, “No, of course I want to color eggs!”  Haven’t lost her quite yet, friends.  So I’ll boil approximately four hundred thirty-two eggs, we’ll have a delightful evening dyeing them all, then I will find have to find many uses for hard-boiled eggs in the week to come.  Some will be pickled, some will be saladed, some may even be deviled.  Many others will be thrown away when I realize how very long they have been sitting in my fridge.  The casualties of Easter.

And, naturally, if you know anything at all about me, you know that Easter dinner is a big deal.  Because there’s ham.  I cook ham twice a year, and, by God, I will have ham on Easter.  Hubs has been making some noise about lamb, but I’m ignoring him for the moment.  He did this to my Christmas ham a couple of years ago and I’m ignoring that, too.  He decided we should have prime rib roast on Christmas.  Fine.  Fine.  He cooks a prime rib.  I cook a ham.  Eat what the hell you want, but I am having ham.  I suspect he’s just messing with me about the lamb, but it matters not.  I’ll still have ham, mac and cheese, maybe some broccoli salad and a big-ass banana pudding.  If he doesn’t eat ham, that just means that I don’t have to make stinky potato salad.  Winning.

The clock is ticking, and my biggest obstacle remains… my son and his Easter basket.  You know what?  I think he’ll get clothes.  Maybe a basket full of shirts and socks will cause him to rethink his stance on the matter.  Never let it be said my children didn’t come by their skills of manipulation honestly.

via troll.me

via troll.me

  1. Mom/Nana
    March 25, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Perfect, my youngest child!!!

  2. March 26, 2013 at 8:06 am

    This is hilarious Shel!

    • March 26, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      Such is my life… 😉 Thanks!

  3. March 26, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Thanks for the chuckle! In my experience children are far too smart to admit the non-existence of anyone who is likely to bring them a gift.

    • March 26, 2013 at 8:04 pm

      You’re right…and there’s no graceful way for a parent to escape! Thanks for your comment!

  4. March 31, 2013 at 12:50 am

    Well, I didn’t admit anything until I was a teenager. I got to open a present early if I “believed” so I didn’t fess up until my Mom looked at me and was like “You honestly know what’s going on here… right?” I should have denied it to see her reaction, she was genuinely concerned. This post was hilarious and I think your clothes idea just might do the trick. 😉

    • April 4, 2013 at 8:53 am

      I just know this is going to happen to me…I can’t deal with many more years of this charade! I made the crucial error of putting cash in the Easter basket…guaranteeing more years of the Easter bunny!

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