Home > Uncategorized > An Open Letter to Other Men’s Wives

An Open Letter to Other Men’s Wives

Dear Other Wives,

The purpose of this letter is to express my gratitude to you.  You don’t know me, nor I you, but our husbands know each other.  And they talk, oh, how they talk.  Whomever first started the rumor that men don’t talk about their problems must have never actually met a man.  I, personally, have never met a man who could shut up about his problems.

But to my point.  I would like to genuinely offer my thanks to you for being bad at the things I’m good at.  Thank you for being unreasonable about the things which I brush off.  Because when your husband tells my husband about it, it makes me look really, really good.  And, you see, I have to take it where I can get it.  I have long since passed the phase of “trying to be a good wife.”  This is defined as trying to show a genuine interest in the dumb things your husband likes to do, making an effort to fix yourself up for him, asking his opinion on things (and caring), and not pooping in front of him.  These are things that I am not good at.  My husband knows this and he’s made his peace.  He knows there’s not a chance in hell that I’m putting on makeup on my day off.  He knows that I am not really listening if he waxes poetic about golf or the Playstation 3.  He knows that when I ask his opinion, I am really just telling him what I intend to do, and giving him an opportunity to agree with me.

This is not to say that I am a bad wife, or inconsiderate or a complete, stinky slob.  It’s just that we’ve been married for so long.  After a while it’s easy to become complacent and stop appreciating what you have.  And although he never speaks a bad word about our relationship, he sometimes forgets what a prize he’s got.  So, when you are hypersensitive to your husband’s (constructive) criticism, and I accept such criticism with grace (one of the very few things that I can do with grace), he really appreciates me.  And he tells me how much he appreciates it.  When you keep secrets from your husband, my incessant chatter about every minute of my life suddenly becomes very valuable to my husband.  When you pick a massive fight with your husband, my “whatever” attitude fills my husband with joy.  Suddenly, I’m looking pretty damn good.

And so I thank you for this.  For reminding my husband of the great catch that I am.  Don’t get me wrong, you are not a bad wife.  Not at all.  You just aren’t the right wife for my husband.  And that really works out for both of us, doesn’t it?  In the spirit of sisterhood, I shall return the favor, if I haven’t already, because I am sure that I’m very bad at many things at which you excel.  Perhaps your husband has expressed his appreciation that you share his interests, don’t have a filthy truck driver mouth, or rarely have room-clearing gas.

You’re welcome.

via someecards.com

via someecards.com

  1. April 8, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    That is hysterical and so true!

    • April 8, 2013 at 10:42 pm

      Thank you! I owe these ladies a lot. 😉

  2. Shelly Tennyson Taylor
    April 8, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    Is it possible we are sisters separated at birth? Because I could have written this post. From the Golf and PS3 to the room clearing…uh you get the point!

    Very funny!

    • April 8, 2013 at 10:45 pm

      So you know…I can actually feel my eyes glaze over when the PS3 conversation starts. It’s enough to make me est some revenge cabbage. Haha!

      • Shelly Tennyson Taylor
        April 8, 2013 at 10:46 pm

        Lol! Yes I totally get it.

  3. April 9, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Pooping in front if him! So true. I remember a time when the wife would rather die of some intestine explosion before letting one slip in my company.

    • April 9, 2013 at 11:11 am

      Kind of funny how we do that, isn’t it? Like our husbands might think we don’t have bodily functions…

  4. April 9, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    I love this post sooooo much!!! My husband has plenty to complain about but yes, I love when he comes home and tells me about so and so’s wife and it just makes me beam that there is one area that I am excelling at even if it is just that I don’t go and have my nails manicured every week!

    • April 22, 2013 at 1:39 pm

      I just found this comment in my spam, which is so strange, because I am certain that I read it and almost sure that I responded. WordPress is playing tricks on me…

  5. April 9, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Right?! There is nothing better than a sentence that goes like, “I’m so glad you don’t do whatever like so and so’s wife.” The whatever could be anything …still makes me proud of myself!

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