Home > Uncategorized > Not Cool, Bill Gates.

Not Cool, Bill Gates.

Hubs and I recently bought a new computer.  I almost never use it, preferring to navigate the web on my phone or work computer.  You see, our new computer came with a scourge worse than that fake FBI warning virus.  It came with Windows 8.

What fresh hell is this?  Admittedly, I am not a fan of change, most especially when it comes to my technology.  But I know Windows.  I can deal with it.  You tweak Windows a little bit?  No biggie, I can work through it.

But this.  This is not a tweak.  This is a Frankenstein monster of an Xbox and a smart phone.  My damn computer asked me to tap something.  I am not ashamed to admit that this precipitated a major fit of rage in which I shouted at my computer that, “You do not TAP a computer!!  You CLICK on a damn computer.  I’ll be ***damned if I’ll TAP MY DAMN COMPUTER!  I’m going to CLICK AND YOU’RE GOING TO LIKE IT!!”

My computer should not induce these feelings of anger.  My computer should be a computer.  I should not have to hold the mouse just so in the this corner or that corner, waiting for another screen to offer itself.  I should not have to ask someone how the hell I get to Google.  I leave my computer on at all times, not only because it’s convenient, but also because I don’t know how to shut the uncooperative thing down properly.  There is no start menu.  There are TILES.  TILES!!  What the hell is this bullshit!

diylol.com

diylol.com

I’m led to believe that the powers that be at Microsoft are trying to make things easier for us.  Oh, fiddlesticks.  This is not easier.  If you can’t navigate from your Xbox to your computer without understanding that they are DIFFERENT, then you probably have no business owning these devices.  If you possess the intelligence to operate technical devices, I think it’s fair to assume that you are capable of using a start menu.  You are probably capable of finding your “My Pictures” file without it presenting itself to you on a tile.  And, in case all my assumptions are wrong here, I shudder to think of how frustrated you will be when you actually do try to tap on your monitor.

Look, I am not a computer whiz.  I am not a techie.  However, I’ve been using computers since the days when you had to program the damn things yourself if you wanted them to do anything.  A computer doesn’t have a whole lot that’s going to stump me.  But this!  This is just outrageous, Microsoft.  Unless you were really out to make a bunch of otherwise intelligent people feel incompetent and embarrassed by their computers, then this is a massive failure.  I beg of you, please bring Windows back!  (Does this new one even have windows?  Isn’t that why it’s called “Windows?”)

Until someone at Microsoft comes to their senses, (ahem, Bill Gates, ahem), then my life is a sham.  I’ll have to pretend that I’m endlessly fascinated by Solitaire, the one application that I can find without fail.  I have to continue to pretend that I’m too busy to help my kids if they encounter a computer problem.  I have to pretend that I prefer to do Google searches on my old, slow phone with the three-inch screen because it’s more convenient.  Microsoft, if this goes on, you’re going to be responsible for some serious trust issues in my family.  I hope you’re prepared to live with that.

**Hubs repeatedly tells me that Bill Gates is not responsible for this atrocity.  I hold that he is ultimately responsible for everything that Microsoft does.  There is a time when the parent must put his foot down, is there not?

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  1. May 6, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    My friend showed me his “Windows” 8 computer and I just backed into a corner. I don’t understand why you would do something like this!! It is horrible. I’m afriad for when my computer starts to go out and I need a new one. I’m hoping I’ll be able to just store all my important data, get teh harddrive wiped and just start over with Windows 7 until this madness blows past.

    • May 6, 2013 at 1:35 pm

      That’s a good plan. There is nothing but awfulness and despair with Windows 8.

  2. May 6, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    I need a new computer, but this one is going to have to last me through until Windows 9. None of that for me, no ma’am.

    • May 7, 2013 at 5:51 am

      Yes, definitely wait! Our only hope is that they come to their senses for Windows 9. Otherwise we’ll all have to switch to Linux or something.

  3. May 7, 2013 at 6:25 am

    So that is why the wife became busy when the new computer arrived…And that was one year ago… She needs help finding My Pictures by the way, but I still love her and appreciate the need for a modern thinking woman to require help from a man. For that and to move pictures on walls, oh and unplug the toilet.

    • May 7, 2013 at 9:50 pm

      Maybe Microsoft was thinking the same thing…synching my phone to the new computer was sad and/or hysterical, depression on which of us you ask.

  4. May 8, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    LOL! I had the same exact reaction to my new laptop. I AM a techie, so this major change caused big headaches while setting it up to use it. Sigh. I still am not used to it after using it for a couple months now, but at least I don’t yell at it anymore.
    Good luck 😉

    • May 8, 2013 at 8:13 pm

      I look forward to the day I stop yelling at it, but I don’t know…I do hold grudges an awfully long time.

  5. May 12, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    I had the same thing happen to me last week when I was given a computer as a wedding gift, I want to throw the damn thing across the room 98% of the time, the other 2% of the time I’m trying to figure the damn thing out! Good luck with trying to figure windows 8!

    • May 13, 2013 at 10:00 am

      You’re better than me…I’m 98% throw it across the room and 2% pretend it doesn’t exist. 🙂

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