Home > Uncategorized > The House of Disappointment and Broken Promises

The House of Disappointment and Broken Promises

This is the house in which my children live.  I’m thinking of getting a sign made for the yard.

The ways in which I’ve wronged them:

  • I took my daughter to the eye doctor.  I bought her the designer frames.  I agreed that glasses take about a week and a half to produce and I left the office WITHOUT HER NEW GLASSES.  Clearly, I do not want this child to be able to see.  A good mother would demand that the glasses be made on the spot, never mind that the office does not have the capability to perform such a task.  God forbid this child ever learns about LensCrafters.
  • The internet went out.  I spent an hour and a half on the phone with our provider, troubleshooting.  We determined that the problem was coming from inside the house!  (Y’all remember that movie, right?)  In a shocking display of maternal carelessness, I agreed that we would have to wait until after the weekend for a repairman and announced that we’d have an internet-free weekend.
  • I am completely incapable of scheduling appointments of any kind for these children on a Sunday.  This is obviously due to my incompetence.
  • Despite past purchases of damnneareverygamesystemeverinvented, my son is bored and I am unable to entertain him.
  • I require them to pick up after themselves and bathe on a regular basis.  This particular piece of parental torture is designed to ensure that they one day find spouses and produce offspring that will be just like them.
  • I keep “forgetting” to buy my daughter headbands.  This is actually a true slight and I do it because the lack of headbands forces her to wear her Great Wolf Lodge wolf ear headband around the house.  That entertains me and reminds me of the little girl on Bob’s Burgers.  Also, this child was inside Target with me yesterday and if she can’t remember them, I don’t see why I should worry about it.
via fanpop.com

via fanpop.com

  • I have a complete and utter disregard for what other kids’ parents allow them to do.
  • I do not allow the opinions of middle schoolers to affect me in any way.
  • I will not drop everything I’m doing to log into my laptop to browse the latest and greatest on GameFly, just because someone is too impatient to wait his turn on the other computer.  Most particularly if what I’m doing is preparing food for the starving masses that live in this house.

Because of these, and many other disgraceful deficiencies in my maternal duties, my eldest has dubbed our home, The House of Disappointment and Broken Promises.  I’m going with it.  After all, every great estate must have a name, right?  Kind of makes me feel like I’m living in a castle.  A scary, dark, drippy castle with gargoyles.

Welcome to our home. via zazzle.com

Welcome to our home.
via zazzle.com

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , ,
  1. June 16, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    You should get a tombstone carved with the houses new name and have that placed in the yard.

    • June 16, 2013 at 1:17 pm

      Awesome idea! I’m going to need a turret or two, also.

  2. June 16, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    WORST MOM EVER! 🙂 Welcome to the club!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Utterly brilliant.

    • June 16, 2013 at 1:35 pm

      I’m waiting for my worst mom trophy. Hope it’s a gargoyle. 🙂

      • June 16, 2013 at 7:23 pm

        Too bad eye rolls don’t count as trophies, we’d probably have monuments by now!

      • June 16, 2013 at 9:30 pm

        You’ve got that right! My daughter started rolling her eyes before she could talk!

      • June 17, 2013 at 6:00 am

        OH MY! 😉 World record setter she is!

  3. June 16, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    When someone once remarked on how capable my children are my best friend said “that’s because their mum is so useless”. Every cloud has a silver lining!

    • June 16, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      Bahahaha! I love it!!

  4. June 16, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    There are other houses that meet this qualification, I assure you. 😉 My own Mom never did figure out how to grow an additional 6 arms to do everything required of her. She promised me she’d get right on that, but 10 years later I’ve still got a Mom with two arms. Disappointing…

    • June 17, 2013 at 8:42 pm

      I know right! I haven’t managed til grow any extra appendages yet, either. Smh.

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