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New and Improved

So, I’ve been away for a good long while.  This past year has been one of upheaval, and a realignment of priorities and those things tend to eat away relentlessly at my already limited free time.  I’m not going into the specifics, but it’s been tough and I’ve had little of my lighthearted voice to share with the world.  That’s all I’m going to say about that.

This blog isn’t going to be the same blog it was.  If you enjoyed what I had to say before, I hope you’ll give it a chance, but it may not be for everyone.  That’s okay.  Regardless of followers and readership or how many likes or comments (each of which I do cherish, never doubt it!), these are things I feel moved to share.  All I ask is that if you find yourself typing a whole lot of negativity in the comment box, reconsider and just move on quietly.  I’ve had more than my share of darkness in my life recently and I am over it.

So I said all that to say, I want to talk about my spiritual life.  God is changing my world in a real and tangible way and I feel that I’ve been called to share it.  I’m not here to tell anyone what they should believe or what they should do, I’m just here to share my story.  You take from it what you choose.

I’ve always been a believer.  I’ve always had some level of faith in God.  But it’s been a very long time since I’ve had a church to call home, and even when I did, it felt a lot like just going through the motions.  Not helping matters is that I’m 100% type A control freak who isn’t about to ask anyone or anything or any power for help and I’ll be snookered if I’m going to give over control of my life.  I mean, come on.  It’s MY LIFE.  I need to be at the wheel on this one, right?

indigolyrics

Wrong, wrong, wrong.  We know what they say about good intentions, right?  That’s a fact, Jack.  All my good intentions darn near put out a welcome mat for dark forces to come into my heart.  I was bitter, angry and afraid.  All the time.  I had no joy.  And every day I felt myself falling further and further from God’s grace and it hurt and it felt helpless and scary and lonely.  I wasn’t at the wheel anymore, and whatever was driving had trashed all my good intentions and was driving straight at a cliff with no hands and eyes closed.

I bet you’re expecting me to tell you now how I went to church, and got saved and now everything’s great, right?  If only. But I did find a church. (My local peeps, if you ever find yourself with a clear schedule on a Sunday, you will never regret popping into South Boston Church of God.  If Pastor Wayne doesn’t stir something in you, then you just aren’t paying attention.  But, back to the story…)  So I found  church and I felt my spirit reawaken.  And I found, if not my joy, at least a desire to dig and scratch and work for my joy. I felt grounded again and it felt like I was pointed back in the right direction.

So here’s the scoop.  I am still angry and scared a lot.  I still struggle with the wheel sometimes.  I still wake up every day in a blind search for joy.  The difference is that now I have hope and I have faith.  Not just casual, lip service faith, but a real and encompassing faith that allows me, when things feel too overwhelming, to simply give it to God until I have the strength to take it back.  That may sound like a bunch of hokey nonsense, but believe it when I say that it’s the only thing that has kept me from curling up in a ball under the covers until it all goes away.

I will have much more to say about this, but no need in overwhelming everyone in my first post back.   I feel as though I am reintroducing myself, so I’ll keep it relatively short today.  If you’re feeling unhappy that I’m no longer writing about my daily ridiculous life, never fear, I still live in a sitcom and I shall close with this heartwarming little anecdote.

Setting: Sunday morning in church.  Mom and teenage daughter side by side in a pew.

Mom (in a furious whisper): Sit like a lady!!

Cutie (in an equally urgent whisper): I’m not a lady, I’m Batman.

Bah dah, ting!  May you each be covered in blessings until we meet again.

batman

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