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Retirees welcome!

So, last weekend I got a visit from a local politician.  When this happens, I have a decision to make.  Do I smile and nod, or do I engage.  Well, sorry to say, friends, I opted for the smile and nod.  I was busy and distracted by a pug hell-bent on ripping this poor man’s face right off his head, if only she could get through the door.  Sadly, when I do the smile and nod routine, my mind tends to wander and my imagination tends to run away with random images that pop into my head.

Here’s what happened.  This fellow’s grand plan for boosting our population and also filling up the empty houses languishing in a very slowly recovering market is this:  Move retired people to our town!  Two problems solved in one fell swoop!  Multitasking at its finest!

I can’t even begin to discuss this plan, because I find it questionable, at best.  For instance, from where will these people come?  Why do they want to be here?  How, again, is this going to save the apparent population crisis that we’re experiencing?  All the obvious questions, aside, there was one thing that stuck with me and is still in my head almost a week later.  An image of this man driving a suspicious van to New York, shoving retired people in the back and speeding off to Southern Virginia.  Yes, that’s kidnapping, but in my head it’s more of a comedy routine than a violent crime against persons.

I mean, can you imagine how he’s going to collect retirees?  As per his plan, these people will have children in New York, will have stout retirement plans and will have no medical needs so pressing that they aren’t willing and able to drive an hour an a half to the fine hospital we have in the next state over.  Can’t you just see this guy stalking retirees and subjecting them to this rigorous selection process?  And I really think he expects this:

retiredhappy

“Hey guys!  Come to our town!  We are hundreds of miles from your children and grandchildren.  We’re running out of money, we’re the third most dangerous town in the state, we have few choices for health care, fewer for entertainment and shopping!  It’s suffocating in the summer and icy in the winter and really lovely two whole months out of the year, assuming we don’t get too much or too little rain.  By the way, you have plenty of cash right?”

Yeah, I can’t even.

retiredconfusedNeither can they.

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