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Creepy Charlie

I have a confession to make.  I LOVE yard work.  I just love it.  There’s just something so definite and satisfying about edging the sidewalk just so, or nipping those annoying little branches that insist upon poking out of the hedge.  It’s much nicer than, say, mopping a floor, which will become dirty again almost before it dries.  I can clean up the yard and count on it to look good for at least a week.

What I don’t love about it…there are scary things out there.  Ticks, for instance.  Ticks are horrifying.  I can’t even pull a tick off of a person, they scare me so bad.  Once, when my daughter was a toddler, Hubs was out-of-town so I was playing single mom.  I found a tick on her and literally had to call my brother-in-law and ask him to come over and get it off of her.  I found a tick on myself once when I was alone.  I immediately drove to my sister’s business establishment and ran in the door screeching, get it off, get it off!  Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that dramatic, but still.  You know those things can literally kill you, right?  And the only reliable way to kill them is with fire.  So, yeah.  They’re out there.

Much for that reason, I avoid the very back section of my back yard.  Right behind our fence is a wooded area that threatens to encroach with all of its ticky goodness.  Because it’s so shaded, grass doesn’t grow, so I can mostly ignore it.  I run the mower back there once a month or so to knock down the ground cover that grows so snakes can’t hide in there.  Saw a snake back there once and nearly burned the house down and/or moved, but I digress.

So today, as I was mowing, I thought I’d go hit that ivy with the mower and keep things under control.  As I entered no man’s land, I noticed something odd on the ground.  These thick vines were growing across my yard.  They literally looked like someone had laid cables across the yard.  Now, what foolishness is this?

wpid-wp-1439684393095.jpegI’m not going to lie to you.  These things scare me.  They are just so strange.  I’ve really never seen anything like it.  And there are so many!  They are growing toward our shed and also toward the house and this leads me to believe that they are trying to get me.

Look, I am a rational adult and I know that what I should do is get my heavy-duty garden clippers, cut them, pull them up and be done with it.  But, also, I am a rational adult who has read everything Stephen King has ever written.  You think I’m going to cut those suckers?  What if they bleed?  What if that wakes them from their hibernation and they wrap me up and pull me into the chasm that is sure to open up beside my grill?  What if they can’t be killed and I just make them angry??  You can’t just go around taking chances like that.  I mentioned it to both Hubs and Cutie and at least one of them rolled their eyes at me.  Fools, I say.

I did a quick Google search and it seems that it may be something called Creeping Charlie.  Friends, that name does not provide me comfort.  First, it’s creeping up on me.  Second, it has a person’s name.  No sir, no way, I am not messing with that.  Unless Hubs decides to address this situation, our house may soon look like this.


If you guys don’t hear from me for a while, would someone please check on me?  I’m pretty sure Charlie’s intentions are not pure.


  1. August 15, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    made me laugh

    • August 15, 2015 at 10:24 pm


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