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Tired.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed.  Every day, I do the things that people need.  I do them because I love those people, or because someone is paying me a salary to do them. or just because it feels like the right thing to do.  I do things because I choose to, and I wouldn’t change that.  But sometimes, it feels like I’ve given so much of myself to everyone else that there’s just nothing left for me.  I’ve expended so much energy having everyone else’s back that I forgot to make sure someone had mine.  I am just tired.

There will be a person or two who read this and reach for their phones to call, text or otherwise message me to find out what has happened and/or what is going on in my life to make me feel this way.  The answer is nothing.  I am just tired.  I am overwhelmed.  I am a little discouraged.  I am counting my blessings, but I am also counting the days until those blessings require a little less of me.

I cannot be the only person who has moments like these.  Why don’t we talk about them?  Why do we pretend everything is fine, when we’re really, miserably sad, even over nothing, even when we know it’s a bad day that will pass?  Why must we feel so alone and so wrong when everything in life feels like a sad, sorry shadow of what you had hoped it would be?

I know I am blessed.  Even on my worst day, I know that.  But life is hard sometimes, and not always when you expect it to be.  Sometimes it’s just an average Wednesday and it’s all you can do to pull yourself out of bed and start a normal day.  Because it all just feels like a waste of time, and who cares, anyway?

You’ve had that happen, right?

So I pray.  I pray for guidance and for patience and for the endurance to wait out the storm.  This, too, shall pass.  But in the meantime, I just have to feel what I feel.  That’s really all any of us can do.  The hardest part isn’t feeling the feels, the hard part is hiding them.  So I’m just not doing it anymore.

Friends, I’m having a rough week.  Not because of anything, just because it’s been a tough week.  That happens sometimes.  I am cranky, I’m irritable, and tonight I cried because I didn’t make it to the grocery store.  I can’t explain that at all, but it is what it is.  I do no one any favors by pretending it’s fine.  Because we all have these weeks sometimes.  We all feel the darkness pass over us for no reason sometimes.  Because you can’t appreciate the warmth of the sun on your skin if you’ve never shivered in a storm.

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So I am thankful that my storms are small and insignificant.  I’m thankful that they pass quickly.  But they still come.  And that’s okay.  Things that are easy aren’t usually worth having and lessons were never learned from the easy times.  If I were happy and content all the time, then I’d probably be inclined to stop moving forward.  And if it sometimes feels like I’m moving through quicksand, well, then, take baby steps, one day at a time, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.  And all that jazz.

Hang in there, friends.  We’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.

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